Be ready to help yourself when you seek help

Just a passing thought – no one can help one who does not help himself.

I observe people heavily relying on their managers for their self-improvement. I had a team member who approached me to help him improve upon his communication skills. I did a number of mentoring sessions to guide him. I also arranged a few training sessions for him. However, I could not see any major (or even minor) improvement in the way he communicated. Reason?

He was not helping himself. He was not acting on the suggestions given during mentoring sessions. He was not practicing enough. His improvement efforts were driven by external forces (job requirement, need to get ahead etc.) and not from within.  In review meetings, he would talk about getting external training, joining communication improvement classes etc. with no mention of what he would do to improve upon. How can you expect some one else to take ownership of your improvement?

Bottomline:

• Seek help only when you are ready to act upon it
• Remember that people will only help you if they see the willingness to improve.
• The moment people sense that you are not willing, they will stop helping you.