How to Turn Conflict Into a Constructive Negotiation

Having a calm mind that is focused on the outcome is our greatest asset when we are in conflict at workplace.

I learned this from an amazing, short and insightful podcast episode between Lisa Leong and William Ury. William is the Co-Founder Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation and author of Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict (Disclaimer: I have not read the book but this podcase episode has encouraged me to pick it up soon.)

In the podcase, William suggests three specific strategies to turn any workplace conflict into a constructive negotiation.

• Go to the balcony: Balcony here is a metaphor for stepping away to a place of calm and perspective so that you can see the bigger picture.. Having done this a few times in conflict situations, I can vouch for this approach. Conflict often drags us into “response” mode but it doesn’t have to be so. You can step away and take your time to think through, understand needs and frame a response that begins a constructive conversation. William says that you can step away to walk in the nature, have a coffee with a friend or take a few deep breaths. 
• Build the Bridge: Visibly, conflicts are often between people/groups but in reality, they are conflicts between opposite needs. Understanding the other’s perspective to uncover their real need requires asking right questions and then listening deeply. Listening is a way to respect the other perspective and it enables you to ask “What truly matters to me?” And “What is it that you truly want?”. 
• Engage the third side: William says that tend to reduce a conflict between two parties. The third side, often invisible, is the larger context in which the conflict is happening. It could be friends, family, organizational leadership, cross-functional leaders etc. Acknowledging and engaging with the third side becomes key in resolving conflict in a win-win manner.

Here is the link to the podcase and here is my hand-written visual notes covering big ideas. Creating this helped me internalise ideas. I am sure you’ll find it helpful as well.

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