8 Key Lessons Learned on Being Social (Offline and Online)

We have always been social beings. “The other” has always been an important part of how we look at our own selves. Apart from the family, we need people to collaborate with, to be friends with, to do exciting work with and to share our highs and lows. Being social is one of our intrinsic needs. The extent to which we become social depends can vary depending on the individual.

And all social media tools are built to tap into this intrinsic need to connect with others. Backed by years of research in behavioral psychology, these social tools are designed to be addictive. Same goes for offline social engagements where vanity, social signaling and peer pressure can drag you down.

There are some key rules I have learned about being social and they apply to being social – online as well as offline.

• Be social, but protect your boundaries. Too much of social involvement can stress us out. Having boundaries (and right filters) on when, with whom, how much and what you interact about is critical to protect your creative and reflective space.
• Do the work first, signal later. Because social signaling does not substitute real accomplishments. While signaling makes you look good, it does not necessarily make you any better. You get better by doing something everyday, learning along the way, raising the bar and making meaningful contributions in a context. Social signaling can only be an amplifier.
• Social only amplifies what is. If you are authentic, it comes through. If you are faking something, it shows up too. When being social, we have a choice to be more of who we are – or fake being like others to comply with community expectations. And the latter is a sure shot way I know towards mediocrity.
• Being authentic works, always. Social engagements (online or offline) are an opportunity to put ourselves out there. The most interesting people I know share insights that flows through the lens of their own real experiences. They share their process and work-in-progress. They add a lot of their personality and context into what and how they share. They use that to weave a nuanced conversation.
• Know your “why”. Life is to short for being social just for the sake of it. It is an opportunity to shape the culture, initiate critical conversations and make something happen. It is important to know what few topics you truly care for, what change would you like to see and what objectives you are trying to accomplish beforehand. As As Zig Ziglar so rightly said, “Don’t become a wandering generality. Be a meaningful specific.”
• Communities are powerful. Being social enables you to create or participate in communities of like minded people. When your ability to collaborate with others, learn from them is combined with your intent to share and contribute, community can feed you with valuable learning, diverse insights and interesting opportunities.
• Remember, its a two-way conversation. Conversations are the currency of being social. Imagine what happens to others when you meet them at a party and only bombard them with information about you! Empathy and listening is vital to converse with others in a context where insights and ideas flow both ways.
• Aim for contributions, not just metrics. Many people brag about being “influencers”, having thousands of followers or attending tens of conferences a year. But I strongly feel that real influence is a by-product of making meaningful contributions. Real thought leadership creates change, challenges the existing beliefs and shapes a conversation worth having.

Your turn:

What lessons have you learned about being social – online and offline? Please do share.

Bonus:

Here is a quick sketchnote summary of the post.

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