How to Have an Effective Dialogue

Tanmay Vora
Updated on

Relationships are built (or ruined) one conversation at a time. I have always seen effective conversation as a way to transfer energy between people in a way that fosters understanding, builds trust and inspires growth/change.

I can distinctly remember every single radical conversation I had with my peers/mentors/bosses that moved the needle for me and led me to growth opportunities. As someone who has immensely benefited from the conversations other people had with me, I try to use my conversations with others as a way to transfer positive energy that leads to learning, change and growth. This mindset of seeing conversations as a medium to exchange energy helps me immensely when I coach, train and facilitate people and teams.

Conversations are the currency of great leadership because they have the power to guide other people’s journeys, foster collaboration, build culture and tackle challenges as a team.

In their book “Managers as Mentors”, Chip R. Bell and Marshall Goldsmith write,

“Dialogues are interpersonal crucibles for blending facts, figures and feelings to enable learning and understanding.”

And yet, leaders having effective dialogues that move the needle for others is a rarity in many teams/organizations I work with. Why does this happen? Here are a few reasons that come to mind:

  • Poor listening (for verbal and non-verbal cues)
  • Dominating the conversation (ego, conversational narcissism)
  • Power struggle and authority
  • Extreme focus getting things done at the cost of others
  • Prejudices and constant judgment of others
  • Distractions
  • Lack of empathy

Here is a simple 10 point checklist sketchnote on how to have effective coaching dialogue with others.

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