5 Pointers For Effectively Dealing With Negative Feedback
Tanmay Vora
In my career so far, I have seen number of confrontations arising out of a negative feedback that is shared honestly. Some people disagree (or take it personally) when a negative feedback is shared in performance appraisal. Others don’t like it when client points out areas of improvement. As humans, we crave for validation and negative feedback does just opposite to that. It hurts our ego and hence we tend to instantly react, respond and confront. Equally true is the fact that all our growth depends on what we learn out of negative feedback we get.
In a way, giving or getting negative feedback is an inevitable part of our work lives. You can be on the either side, but by following some simple thumb rules, you can make it a constructive exercise. Here is what I have learned so far:
When giving a negative feedback
- Share perspective: Share some background information and build the stage. Direct feedback can be misconstrued.
- Be sincere: Make sure that when you deliver the feedback, it is heard in the right earnest. Be polite and firm.
- Be factual: Share your feelings but do not forget facts. Be conclusive.
- Don’t sugarcoat: We are naturally not comfortable sharing negative feedback and hence we make it mild. Keep it straight.
- Make it constructive: by offering help, solution alternatives, facilitation or arranging for external help. A negative feedback should help them grow.
When receiving negative feedback
- Listen: to the words, the body language and all that is not spoken, but still said. Take it all in.
- Don’t react immediately: Reacting instantly is considered as ‘being defensive’ unless you have facts on hand. Even when you do that, be polite and firm. Take time to think, if needed.
- Ask questions (to understand, not to defend): Open ended questions help in understanding the perspective and getting to the root of the problem.
- Accept wherever apt: Do not hesitate in accepting wherever apt. Accepting your flaws is a sign of strength, not weakness.
- Learn from the feedback: Treat every negative feedback as an opportunity to learn something. Make it constructive yourself, if the other person doesn’t.
Things to remember in both
- Be graceful: There is no substitute for grace at workplace. We all make mistakes, big and small. Key is to ensure that we maintain the decorum. Being firm doesn’t mean being rude.
- Be human: We are humans and we are sharing feedback with human. Seek to understand the other party, their views and concerns.
Have a FANTASTIC Friday!
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ALSO READ: On Constructive Criticism
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Absolutely factful post.
All points plotted for giving and receiving negative feedback are very true, practical and to the point.
I liked 1 point in each:
Share perspective: Building a stage / backgroud is very important when we are commenting on other. It helps the person understand our view point and point dont get misunderstood.
Don’t react immediately: This is very important as it is the most common human error we tend to make when we are getting negative feedback. We need to give ourself some time to settle down and this helps to change our mind set and then re-think on the issue positively.
There is no better learning other than realising our mistakes and limitations and start working out positvely on them. Only those who care for us and our grwoth, shares negative aspects of our’s with us. It’s just the way we share and take them, that matters.
Thanks for such a good informative post Sir.
Have a nice weekend ahead!
Regards,
Jay Chhaya
@Jay – Thanks for re-iterating the points you liked. You make a great point – people don’t get fun when sharing negative feedbacks. They do it because they care for your performance.
Best,
Tanmay
Barbara Minto was the creator of a system of communication that is now the “norm” at most top consulting companies. One element that I never forget from her approach is to follow a 4 step dialogue:
1) Situation – the context, a set of facts we both agree on
2) Complication – focus on one area that something is not as expected
3) Question – why is it not as expected? Get some input of facts from the other person
4) Answer – Now you can present your case based on the common ground created and using the facts that have been jointly agreed
.-= Conor Neill´s last blog ..Five telltale signs of a workplace that needs more courage =-.
@Neil – Thanks for adding that methodical approach to feedback sharing by Barbara Minto, which only makes feedback sharing mechanism more systematic. This method surely makes a lot of sense to follow along with the points mentioned in the post. Feedback sharing is both an art and science – art because each feedback that is given has a unique context and there are finer elements that come to play in this process. Science because it can be structured in a process and the way it should be approached.
Thanks again for sharing that system of communication. Have a great weekend!
Best,
Tanmay
Really, really great advice. Especially the “don’t act immediately” on the receiving end. That’s the hardest part for me, but one of the most important things to making the most of feedback.
.-= Deborah Fike´s last blog ..New Fellowstream Feature- The Inbox =-.
@Deborah – Not reacting immediately is a sign of strength. It also allows us to take the feedback in, before we process and find out the validity.
Thanks for the comment and Twitter RT.
Best,
Tanmay
Great advice, Tanmay. You touch on keeping emotions in check when receiving negative feedback, but it’s just as important to do so when giving it!
It’s best to provide feedback of any kind as soon as possible, but if it’s going to be an uncomfortable conversation, you certainly want to wait long enough to ensure you don’t conduct it in anger.
.-= Andy Klein´s last blog ..Organisational change needs leadership of employee creativity =-.
@Andy – Thanks for adding your voice here. You touch upon an important point of ensuring that we don’t share feedback instinctively. It does more harm than it helps. Gracefulness and thoughtfulness are two most important pre-requisites for making this experience a positive one.
Best,
Tanmay
Nice post on a sensitive subject.
I have observed that the rapport that the feedback giver has with the receiver also matters a lot in driving home the point. Most often people don’t take the negative feedback positively just because the level of trust is not enough.
Secondly, objectivity is very important when giving negative feedback.
.-= Vamsi´s last blog ..Accountability without accounting =-.
Great tips. I’ve definitely seen the backlash of negative feedback on social sites.
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